20111218

I just…probably had the roughest day after the breakup. Feeling absolute pathetic today when I consulted doctor alone. I didn’t know what could be worse until I heard the convo between my mom and grandma.

They crashed me. And that’s why I am writing.

I keep asking myself WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? I used to think I am living more like myself even since I broke up but gradually I realized NO I AM NOT. I am just fooling myself and everyone. I just somehow evolved into someone I can't recognize. I have been spending the last 8 years on some serious relationships. And what I have got? The clamliness when I deal with life? I wish I could tell my mom directly that the “outcome” has never been what I planned. I might failed in making things right, but I did try my best. Things just happened.

2.5 months passed. And there I am. A confused, heartbroken woman in searching of faiths, motivations and herself.

20111204

11月24日是我們三周年紀念日。如果我們沒有分開的話。已經離我很遠的您，那天你有沒有記起這個日子？還生氣嗎？已經忘掉了我嗎？

跟你分開從來不是我所希望的。重看照片的時候，才記起我們曾經有很多很多快樂的時間。我跟你的。我跟你跟小狗的。只是不知為何，我們漸漸忘了這些我們一起建立的東西，漸漸忘了當初為什麼會走在一起........

小時候覺得，＂將來＂很快就來，活到這個歲數，才驚覺，如果幸運地可以活得平安，人生還真漫長。如果將來不能再跟你走在一起，我也衷心希望你都可以找到一個讓你笑、讓你哭也同時讓你覺得幸福的人。

謝謝您愛(過)我。

20111105

I started to pray, to the divine power.
Everyday is one step closer to happiness.

20111101

要抓緊一陣風, 根本是跟自己過不去
何不把自己變成一陣風讓人跟著你跑呢?

Love actually.... is what?

It’s been a month and I feel I have to write down something. A line or two…

We all sometimes get tired and become jaded with relationships, but do have faith. Always be yourself and follow your heart. If someone’s right for you he will love you for who you really are. If someone’s right for you it will be easy. You might get mad, or need to compromise (as the fundamentals of a relationship), but you still feel easy.

Sparkles sometimes are not real. They just fade. But people come to your life do have a reason, whether it lasts just a season or a lifetime. There is always a reason. Before you meet the special someone, be patient, try learning to be a better person..

P.S. Thanks being there for me. Life is a little too rough without you around.

擁抱 這是現在

天色已經灰暗 每個人
一天辛勞的工作快要完成
這一刻的我們 放下了責任
想著如何找些人

訴說 自己的不滿
喝酒 是為了放任
多少痛恨的氣氛
其實都在等

擁抱 這是現在
至少我為你能做得到
擁抱你的煩惱 你受的煎熬
你的一切都讓我

擁抱 感覺多好
不用言語也能感受到
或許笑得很吵 或許哭得糟糕
把你的心打開 讓我擁抱

心跳 不可能永恆
下一秒鐘 你最愛的人
可能 沒能力再等
還有甚麼在耽擱

若最初　錯過你　那個我會　喜愛誰
平平靜靜還是比起今天更空虛
甜甜蜜蜜地過活　還是幸運更快失去
同樣道別或者哭幾晚夜便過去

愛是　是從沒假如
悔恨　亦全沒好處
要是　全是多餘
愛是　賭輸了難再下注

若我答應　對你永遠　不皺眉
仍然復合還是終於都可勉強一起
叫我揀　寧願決絕　還是受罪也選擇有你
重回舊日或者懂得拼命學愛你

愛是　從沒假如　領悟　亦全沒好處
愛是　沒權問假如
輸不起　再別要下重注

過去　若未曾發生　未曾被愛　可否更開心
你我要是能再生　本性不變的你我　也不相襯

微笑說再見

28

不必了解我, 因為我也不太了解自己 不必很愛我, 因為我也不知道怎樣愛人

懂得緊緊相擁就好

Broken into trillion pieces.

情太過洶湧像深海　
而我卻會忍耐
但求來日你醒過來　
這份情像翅膀打開
還沒有相戀別意外　
神教會我等待
待情流像細水　
才去承諾你
拿一生兌換愛

Hmmm...ok

........真傻

"When we were childern, we used to think that when we grew up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grew up is to accept vulnerability; to be alive is to be vulnerable."

已經5月了嗎?

http://listen-to-bella.blogspot.com/2011/04/blog-post_19.html

"捍東在藍宇家中作客，夜深在酒醉中醒來，望著剛洗完澡的藍宇，他問，還是在用那種洗髮水嗎？藍宇頓了頓，靦腆地說，嗯，還是在用那種洗髮水。然後二人沉默對望，捍東忍不住開口說，真想抱抱你。藍宇想了想，就趨前，抱住了他。他竟然就這樣，抱住了當天狠心拋棄他的人。最後他鬆開手，笑笑說，你胖了。這句說話有如雷擊，捍東緊緊的抱他入懷，「那時候，我是怎麼會放你走的？」沒有一句「我愛你」，但二人的心聲再不須以言語道破。"

Soulmate

Got this from Internet. Are most women mature or just too naive?

 

"I think Mr Big represents the guy that you'll just never get out of your mind...the guy that makes you go crazy...the guy that you let walk all over you simply because you just like him so much..the guy who's emotionally unavaialble but that makes you feel safe in a way because it means he can't commit enough for you to really hurt him...the guy who you will always wish you were with if you married Aiden.

Aiden is safe in a different way...you know he will never hurt you but you want to feel more than that...you want to feel how you feel with Big...you don't want to 'settle' just because he seems like the perfect father for your children...

Mr Big is about real, soulmate, can't live without each other love...

Aiden is about what seems to be the right thing to do...

Mr Big is following your heart...

Aiden is following a path that you feel you 'should'...

Yes...Mr Big will break your heart, repeatedly...but wouldn't you prefer a broken heart over one that never gets full enough to break?

*sigh*

All that being said...a Mr Big can be infuriating! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr! I have one right now and he's driving me crazy but i wouldn't give up the way he makes me feel for a thousand Aidens!"

由衷的替朋友高興，能找到一個完全接受自己所有的另一半不容易。

一定一定要幸福。

很欣賞友人擁有永遠向前的勇氣。她經歷的大概是我兩輩子的事了。
管它的，快樂就好。

謝謝給我正能量!

近日益發覺得自己像Winifred Lai說的「無頭雞仔」。忙得團團轉的，又沒有output，公私事都一樣。都沒有在家中好好坐下來，靜靜地讀書、看完一套電影、或者最簡單的：什麼也不做........

這樣的狀態會維持多久?

這樣的狀態能維持多久?

【班扎古魯白瑪的沉默】作者：扎西拉姆．多多

你見　或者不見我
我就在那裡　不悲不喜

你念　或者不念我
情就在那裡　不來不去

你愛　或者不愛我
愛就在那裡　不增不減

你跟　或者不跟我
我的手就在你的手裡　不捨不棄

來我的懷裡　或者
讓我住進你的心裡

默然　相愛
寂靜　歡喜

久違了的寧靜...
今夜真的很適合哭泣
但我沒有

希望只是一時間情緒低落

那天重聽梁漢文的"纏綿遊戲"，為當中一句歌詞，又重聽了這歌幾遍..

但覺得
從前情人　
在世上並沒存在

不知道是不是只有我這樣想
纏綿的，不纏綿的也好...
經歷幾多甜蜜辛酸也無關係...

逐漸淡忘
到最後
就只剩下這種感覺

All or Nothing

從來沒有為朋友做過些什麼，但在心底裡，被列入「好朋友」範圍的人，總是佔據著很重要的位置。縱使不常相見，於我來說，「好朋友」的定義是開心的時候、傷心的時候、碰上問題的時候都「願意分享」。

也許對方都是內歛的人，但對不起，這些年我都沒有感覺到對方有對我敞開心胸。

所以....我決定放棄了。

I've been there

這一星期非常忙亂, 但心裡時刻覺得平安, 幸福.

身邊的人愛你, 要感恩, 珍惜.
身邊的人不愛你, 別忘記, 你永遠是你.
Inner peace是.... 除了你自己, 沒誰能給的.

Eat.Pray.Love

"A friend took me to the most amazing place the other day. It's called the Augusteum. Octavian Augustus built it to house his remains. When the barbarians came they trashed it a long with everything else. The great Augustus, Rome's first true great emperor. How could he have imagined that Rome, the whole world as far as he was concerned, would be in ruins. It's one of the quietest, loneliest places in Rome. The city has grown up around it over the centuries. It feels like a precious wound, a heartbreak you won't let go of because it hurts too good. We all want things to stay the same. Settle for living in misery because we're afraid of change, of things crumbling to ruins. Then I looked at around to this place, at the chaos it has endured - the way it has been adapted, burned, pillaged and found a way to build itself back up again. And I was reassured, maybe my life hasn't been so chaotic, it's just the world that is, and the real trap is getting attached to any of it. Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation."

I feel sick, small and weak.

it's Susan Miller again.

All Cancers have endured a series of eclipses that were testing the strength of your relationship. This dates back to July 2009, when the first two eclipses in Cancer-Capricorn arrived, and eclipses in this family continued to test all your relationships, even business ones, every six months. If your relationships were strong, you felt nothing, but if the eclipse found a weak link, you were informed - and it can be a shock when news arrived. You only have one more testing eclipse, in Cancer, due this year on July 1. After that you will be able to rest, for there will be no more difficult eclipses for nine years.

到底是識於微時。看見友人跌倒，沒有假裝move on，傷心就是傷心，然後慢慢重新振作起來......真的是很替她高興。

祝好。希望妳時常感到充實幸福。

Exhausted. Starved. Bursting tears.

Heartbroken.

一月就悄悄地走過了。時光正飛快地、不斷流逝。
撫心自問，有沒有努力讓自己過得輕省快樂？
環顧身邊一切，擁有的太多，而真正是我心所需要的，乏善足陳。
來年－－漸漸變成上一代人的人了，舊曆新年才是新年－－願你我學懂捨棄。

2011.

2011!

每一次登入都覺得，無事可記也是幸福的一種。
希望2011有閒暇記錄生活瑣事 :)