20111218

I just…probably had the roughest day after the breakup. Feeling absolute pathetic today when I consulted doctor alone. I didn’t know what could be worse until I heard the convo between my mom and grandma.

They crashed me. And that’s why I am writing.

I keep asking myself WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? I used to think I am living more like myself even since I broke up but gradually I realized NO I AM NOT. I am just fooling myself and everyone. I just somehow evolved into someone I can't recognize. I have been spending the last 8 years on some serious relationships. And what I have got? The clamliness when I deal with life? I wish I could tell my mom directly that the “outcome” has never been what I planned. I might failed in making things right, but I did try my best. Things just happened.

2.5 months passed. And there I am. A confused, heartbroken woman in searching of faiths, motivations and herself.

20111204

11月24日是我們三周年紀念日。如果我們沒有分開的話。已經離我很遠的您，那天你有沒有記起這個日子？還生氣嗎？已經忘掉了我嗎？

跟你分開從來不是我所希望的。重看照片的時候，才記起我們曾經有很多很多快樂的時間。我跟你的。我跟你跟小狗的。只是不知為何，我們漸漸忘了這些我們一起建立的東西，漸漸忘了當初為什麼會走在一起........

小時候覺得，＂將來＂很快就來，活到這個歲數，才驚覺，如果幸運地可以活得平安，人生還真漫長。如果將來不能再跟你走在一起，我也衷心希望你都可以找到一個讓你笑、讓你哭也同時讓你覺得幸福的人。

謝謝您愛(過)我。